Have you experienced experience a lack of self love?
Well, here is my story
I had just started high school when I lost my dad. Being the first-born daughter in a family of seven, I was very close to him, yet never realized how much of a gem and inspiration he was until he went to rest. He was my fuel that kept my engine working. He always referred to me as his little lawyer, and I desperately wanted to become one. If I did badly then a journalist would do. To be honest I am neither of those now but I am not implying I am doing badly. After four years I completed high school and earned myself an admission to college. I joined an informatics class, but I was still mad at myself for not getting admitted to law school.
For several years I neglected myself, treating myself so harshly that even the smallest failure or rejection would knock me out.
After my dad’s death, I always felt like no one listened keenly enough to understand me. Growing up with brothers, I had no big sister to talk to about silly experiences and no one to share a wardrobe with. As an adolescent who was just starting to realize who she was, it often felt like neither my brothers nor my mother understood that I needed love and care. So what did I do?
After I started college, I always looked for validation from other people. I felt the world owed me something. Bitterness and rage filled my heart and that was the language I understood best during that time. I was running away from my fears. I got into a relationship to fill the void my dad left behind, and the boyfriend often treated me with disrespect.
My self-esteem was so low that I could not get myself to walk out of the relationship. For several years I neglected myself, treating myself so harshly that even the smallest failure or rejection would knock me out. I lost myself, and I stopped doing everything I loved. I stopped playing basketball, coding, and having a good time with genuine friends. I was always alone and pitying myself.
I finally gathered the courage to walk away from an emotionally toxic relationship.
This went on for quite some time until I realized I was falling into depression. I decided I needed a change. I don’t know where I got the strength from but I finally gathered the courage to walk away from an emotionally toxic relationship.
Keep hope alive as you love yourself
Once I left that relationship behind, I began to realize there is more to life than what other people think of you. I started loving myself more. I reengaged myself in activities that made me feel good; I danced more, dedicated my time to volunteering, and I met new people. Recently, I found a new hobby painting wine bottles and every day I get better at it. I enrolled in a gym specifically to learn boxing skills, which has been a great way for me to blow off steam.
I began to realize there is more to life than what other people think of you.
I live every day at a time, doing my best to treat myself with kindness. I pursue opportunities that I want and keep pursuing even after several rejections. I keep a positive mind with the hope that things will become better than they are today. Indeed things do get better. I now have a good job and am pursuing opportunities that bring me joy.
Everything in your life can be made better by self-love. When you love yourself, speak a language of kindness, and appreciate yourself for even the smallest accomplishments, amazing things can happen. You can start right now. Do the things that make you happy and be around people who build you as a person. This is the first step to building the life you deserve.
Christine Apimo is a recent graduate from the University of Eldoret, Kenya. Her background is informatics, currently in project management and operations within the health tech space at Philips. She supports the operations and research in training and improvement of health digital solutions. She is a strong believer that everyday is a learning experience and takes every opportunity to learn from one or two people. Christine hits the gym after work for boxing. She loves to keep fit and feel good about herself. She is also a lover of dance, music and interior design. She has a newly found hobby of painting wine bottles for fun. Often, she dedicates her time to write pieces about her life experience with the hope that her story inspires and uplifts women around the world, and even better if the men get inspired as well.